Unfortunately, since it is Saturday, our dentist is not open, and she will have to wait . . . but I really doubt there is anything that they can do anyway. If the tooth had been alive, I think they can fix it, but with a dead tooth? I’m not so sure. But for now, the tooth is in a Ziploc bag with some ice in the refrigerator.  Just in case . . .

After cleaning up the blood and giving her a piece of ice to suck on, her take on the whole thing? When asked if she wanted the tooth fairy to bring her money,  she said “No way, I want candy!”

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For those of us who prefer not to foist our personal responsibility for our food choices off onto health professionals, taking care of the stomach complaints caused by food borne illness is really very simple. The good news is that there are several ways to naturally fight food borne illness, and if caught early, natural remedies can stop a stomach bug in a fraction of the time that antibiotics can. I have had food poisoning from eggs and the remedy that worked for me was simply a mixture of black walnut and olive leaf tinctures, one full dropper of each in a small glass of orange juice; all combined was less than the $30 copay that I would have paid had I gone to the doctor. Both of these herbs have strong parasite killing properties, and I have found them to be effective for stomach flu as well. I gave some to my neighbor once as she was getting ready to walk out her door to take her daughter to the emergency room, and less than an hour later, her toddler was running around as if she had never been sick.

I have read before, that in most cases what we call the stomach flu is actually caused by eating contaminated food. If this is true, then people actually get sick from food a lot more often than they realize. One of the great things about herbs is that often there is more than one way to kill a flu. I recently put the question out to the fans of my raw milk page on facebook. Even though none of these people had ever been sick from raw milk, they have encountered food borne illness from fast food or other packaged factory foods. Here are some of the remedies they have successfully used:

• Grapefruit Seed Extract as a nutri-biotic with lots of Vitamin D3 and garlic to boost the immune system
• Oregano oil (best taken in capsules)
• Colloidal silver or nano silver – 2 to 3 Tbsp every 15 minutes until stomach upset is gone
• Activated Charcoal capsules
• Fresh garlic with cayenne
• Where there is diarrhea also take slippery elm capsules

Any of these remedies should be followed by probiotics, like kefir or yogurt, to restore the intestinal flora and for fastest results, should be taken at the fist sign of stomach upset. It is common for these strains of bacteria to be highly resistant to antibiotics, and if food poisoning symptoms are ignored and you wait until they get really bad as many people do, they can become very serious, even leading to kidney failure or other long lasting health problems, especially in small children, people with compromised immune systems, or with the elderly.

With the food industry and its track record, it is best to be prepared because chances are someone in your family will end up sick with a food borne illness, no matter what you eat.

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It’s like night and day – once helpless, dependent, and full of worries and fears; now empowered and confident. It is such a comforting feeling to know that for most family illnesses and health emergencies, I have the tools and know-how to take care of them myself! No waiting on a doctor over the weekend or dealing with a screaming child for an hour or more in an emergency room or doctors office waiting room full of sick people. If you have not yet educated yourself on simple herbal remedies for basic family health care, I strongly encourage you to do so – it is one of the best things I have ever done!

To make a family herbal first aid kit, the first thing that you will want to do is take inventory of your family’s health. Are you in basically good health, or do you catch every bug that goes around? What are your most common illnesses? Do you have an extremely clumsy kid? (Zee is very clumsy, and I have gotten calls from the school twice this year about bruises, one of which DCFS sent a social worker to investigate my husband and me at our home!) There are a few things that every family with small children should be prepared for – here is a basic list of some of the most common things that people go to the doctor for that can easily be treated at home:

• ear infections
• colds
• stomach flu
• pink eye
• parasites
• headlice
• staph infections
• yeast infections
• warts
• strep throat
• chicken pox

And a few basics, usually treated with over the counter medicines:

• indigestion
• diarrhea
• bug bites
• sunburn
• cuts
• scrapes
• bruises

All of these can be treated at home naturally without commercially prepared medicines, and would all but completely remove any need for a doctors visit, with the exception of real medical emergencies like broken bones or other traumatic injuries.

The ideal would be to have a small travel size kit with just the basics for the car, and a larger one that is kept in a safe place at home in a container like a large fishing tackle box with plenty of room for ace bandages, and supplies like a capsulator and a mortar and pestle, etc.

The following is a fairly comprehensive list of things that would be good to keep on hand and their uses (chose the items that are most relevant to your family. You can also add other items that you feel your family needs – if you feel the list is missing something important, please leave a comment!):

Tinctures – Note: If you dislike the alcohol used in tinctures, you can reduce its presence somewhat by placing the drops in a half cup of hot, boiled water and allowing it to sit for 15 minutes, or you can look for glycerites (glycerine based extracts).

Arnica:
Apply immediately after an injury and continue every couple hours for the first day. Can be combined with a few drops of Hypericum.
Use on sore and cramped muscles, or for strained or sprained muscles or tendons, or bumps and bruises.

• Decreases pain
• Prevents swelling and bruising

Cayenne:

• Use five to ten drops diluted in two ounces of water to help with frostbite and hypothermia
• Put a couple of drops under the tongue to revives someone who is in shock or trauma. Cayenne taken this way has also been known to stop heart attacks.
• Put directly on wound externally to coagulate blood and stop the bleeding

Valerian:

• 30 to 60 drops
  • Relieves intestinal and menstrual cramps
  • Relives headaches and general aches or pains
  • Brings sleep to an exhausted person
• ½ to 1 teaspoon up to 3 times daily relives anxiety

Echinacea:

The dosage ranges from 30 to 60 drops, the higher ranges used for fevers and acute situations. Echinacea stimulates the immune system and can be used with fevers, poisoning, or any type of internal infection.

• Add 1 dropperful of echinacea extract to 1?2 cup of water as an antiseptic wash.
• Use as an antibiotic and antibacterial
• Use for poisonous insect and snake bites
  • 60 drops every 15 minutes until symptoms subside.
• Use as a preventative and supportive herb for the flu or common cold
• For toothaches, it can be massaged into the surrounding gums and teeth.

Elderberry:

• Take 1 dropperful four times a day until symptoms subside.
  • Stops or Prevents cold or flu
  • Speeds up recovery from cold or flu

Grindelia:

Can be applied externally to cool and soothe hot, irritated skin rashes or sunburn, and itchy bites:

• For exposure to poison oak/ivy/sumac, immediately wash the affected area
• thoroughly with soap and cool water, or sponge with alcohol to remove the oily resin.
• If a rash occurs, spray with grindelia extract several times a day.
  • Relieves poison ivy

Taken internally:

• Expels mucus obstruction in the bronchioles
• May be useful for some types of asthma and respiratory congestion

1:1:1 Milk thistle, burdock, & kelp combination:

• Take before and after dental x-rays and after taking Tylenol or Advil.
  • Leaches heavy metals and radiation toxicity from the thyroid, blood, and liver.

Quassia:

• Take three to five droppersful every six hours.
• To treat suspected bad water, add 30 drops to each quart of water.
  • Use as an antimicrobial
  • Used for bacterial diarrhea, dysentery, and giardia

Usnea:

• Take three to five droppersful every six hours.
• To treat suspected bad water, add 30 drops to each quart of water.
  • Has antibiotic properties
  • Use for colds, flu, bronchitis, urinary tract infections, & sore throat
  • Useful for some fungal infections

Syrup of Ipecac:

• Apply immediately after an injury and continue every couple hours for the first day.
  • Promotes vomiting
  • Decreases pain
  • Prevents swelling and bruising

5 Flower Rescue Remedy:

• Apply immediately after an injury and continue every couple hours for the first day.
  • Use for emotional trauma for all ages
  • Decreases pain
  • Prevents swelling and bruising

Meadowsweet:

• Use a couple of drops directly under the tongue.
  • Use as a fast acting, anti-inflammatory
  • Pain relief

Hypericum (St. John’s Wort):

• Used externally or internally. Hypericum has pain-soothing, anti-inflammatory, and tissue healing properties.
  • On burns
  • Puncture wounds
  • Sores
  • Boils
  • On insect and animal bites
  • Use specifically on wounds with sharp, shooting pains, and puncture wounds.
  • Useful for bruises
  • Neuralgias
  • Muscle strains
  • Spasms
  • Muscle aches.
  • Add a few drops in water for a pain-relieving mouthwash for gums that are sore from flossing or dental work

Urtica Urens:

• • Apply topically to burns or hives. Can be used with Hypericum for painful burns. For
• chemical burns flush with water immediately for 20 minutes before treating.
• o Rapid pain relief
• o Prevents vesicles, inflammation, and scarring in 1st and 2nd degree burns
• o Promotes tissue healing
• o Can be applied to old burns to bring about more complete healing
• o Soothes hives

Calendula:

• • Apply topically to cuts or scrapes
• o Aids healing
• Eleuthero Standardized Extract:
• • Use a couple of drops directly under the tongue.
• o Prevents Jet Lag (used by Soviet cosmonauts to help them adjust to space
• travel)

Witch Hazel Extract:

• Excellent base for diluting essential oils or for a variety of simple, topical herbal firstaid  remedies. Do not take it internally.
  • Use as a mild astringent, antiseptic and anti-inflammatory
  • Useful for insect bites and skin irritations.
  • Apply to gauze and place over blister to dry it up

Bug Bite and Itch Relief Combination – Apply Tincture combination directly to the skin. Note: Juice from the plantain is mildly effective and it grows throughout this region (just crumple or chew the leaves and rub onto the skin). This combination provides relief from insect bites and general itching:

• Witch hazel
• Plantain
• Grindelia
• Comfrey
• Lavendar Oil (enhances any tincture combination)
• St. John’s Wort

Powdered Herbs
Slippery elm capsules:

• Take Capsules or mix into juice
  • Used for food poisoning
  • Decrease toxic absorption
  • Soothe mucous membranes
  • Settles an upset stomach

Dandelion (Taraxacum officinale):
The root can be dried and made into a powder that has strong anti-cancer properties.

• Cures Some Cancers
  • Dig root, shake off excess soil, DO NOT WASH! Chop it into little pieces and dry it at no more than 100° until it is brittle. Grind into powder and take ½ tsp 2 – 3 times a day in juice.
• Eat leaves in salad or use as a diuretic

Ginger root capsules:

• Take two capsules
  • Use for motion sickness or morning sickness
  • Take for nausea caused by flu or bad food
  • Use to relieve gas
  • For nausea, take 1 to 2 capsules of dried ginger every 15 minutes
  • To prevent motion sickness, take 6 to 8 capsules of powdered ginger about 45 minutes before departing
  • To calm a queasy stomach, chew on a piece of crystallized ginger.

Elderberry capsules:

• Take capsules.
  • Stops or Prevents cold or flu
  • Speeds up recovery from cold or flu

4:1 Marshmallow-peppermint oil capsules:

• Take capsules.
  • Reduces intestinal cramping

Blackberry and Strawberry Root and Leaf:

• Take capsules
  • Reduces internal hemorrhaging.

Cayenne:

• Open and apply externally
  • Stops bleeding
  • Warms cold feet (sprinkle inside your boots)

Cinnamon:

• Take ¼ tsp 3 times daily
  • Regulates blood pressure

Goldenseal Powder:

• Sprinkle onto cuts or wounds as antimicrobial or to stop bleeding. Do not takegoldenseal internally during pregnancy
  • A powerful antimicrobial
  • Warms cold feet (sprinkle inside your boots)
  • For diarrhea caused by infectious microorganisms, take 1 capsule of goldenseal three times daily for up to two weeks

Comfrey:
Alternative styptics: comfrey and yarrow. Comfrey is perhaps the finest internal antihemorrhage
there is.

Goldenseal:

• Use Sparingly
  • Use as an antimicrobial, antibacterial

Myrrh:

• Use Sparingly
  • Use as an antimicrobial, antibacterial

Bentonite Clay or Charcoal Tablets:

• Take 1 teaspoon in water, 3-4 times per day. Drink a lot of water. Helpful herbs include blackberry root or leaf (root is preferred for its greater astringency: simmer root for 20-40 minutes or steep leaf for tea for 10-30 minutes). Similarly, use wild strawberry root or leaf. Cooked white rice works wonders at reducing diarrhea.
  • To relieve diarrhea
• Of charcoal, take 4 every hours, of bentonite clay, take 1 teaspoon in water, 3-4 times per day, drink a lot of water.
  • To assist with detoxification, in case of poisoning.

Chamomile (Matricaria recutita) Tea Bags:

• Taken Internally 3 cups a day:
  • Mild sedative
  • Relives anxiety
  • Antispasmodic
  • Anti-inflammatory
  • Antibacterial
  • Promotes relaxation
  • Relieves indigestion
• Applied externally
  • Soothes skin irritations

Laxative Tea Bags: Senna combined with cinnamon, fennel, licorice and ginger.
Peppermint Tea Bags: Soothes upset stomach & clears sinuses.

Essential Oils

Peppermint Oil

• Rub a little on the temples
  • can help you stay awake
• Take a few drops mixed in water
  • Settles an upset stomach

Tea Tree Oil

• Use sparingly. For sensitive skin, dilute with equal parts olive oil.
  • Use for fungal infections
  • Good for infected pus-filled wounds or burns
  • Apply to cold sores and herpes lesions.
  • Use for earaches

Oregano Oil

• Use sparingly. Dilute with olive oil.
  • Use for fungal infections
  • Use to get rid of cold sores
  • Used as a disinfectant or antimicrobial

Peppermint Oil

• If you have sensitive skin, dilute with olive oil before applying. Taken internally, peppermint may aggravate heartburn.
  • Clears sinuses
• Curbs itching from insect bites.
  • Soothes an upset stomach
  • To relieve headaches, massage 2 drops of diluted peppermint essential oil onto temples, forehead and neck. Keep away from eyes

Eucalyptus Oil

• Dilute with oil or witch hazel extract before applying to skin; do not take internally.
  • A potent antibiotic and antiviral
• Add a few drops to recently boiled water to use as a steam inhalation.
  • Use for treating colds, flus and sinus infections
• Soak in a hot bath with 5 drops of eucalyptus essential oil.
  • Use to relieve pain from strains or sprains

Lavender Oil – lavender enhances properties of other essential oils

• For most people, lavender essential oil can be applied directly to the skin. Do not take more than 1 to 2 drops internally.
  • Soothes wounds and burns
  • Has anti-inflammatory and antiseptic properties
• Add 10 drops to a bath or on a cloth to inhale.
  • Relieves anxiety, insomnia, & headaches
  • Use as a sedative
  • Relives sunburn

Clove Oil

• Dilute with olive oil before applying to skin.
  • Use as an antiseptic for cuts
  • Soothes toothaches

Thyme Oil

• Take two drops in 4 ounces of water.
  • Use as mouthwash
  • Use as toothache
  • Relieves sore throats
• Apply externally for:
  • Crabs
  • Lice
  • External parasites
• Add two drops to recently boiled water & inhale the steam for:
  • Colds
  • Flu
  • Bronchitis

Salves
Emollients — marshmallow, slippery elm, plantain, comfrey, and mullein
Antimicrobials — echinacea, goldenseal, yerba mansa, Oregon grape, osha, propolis, myrrh gum, garlic, calendula, chamomile, chaparral, gentian, and usnea
Astringents — horsetail, bistort, geranium, rose, alum, yarrow, witch hazel, yellow dock, and St. John’s wort.
Note: A combination of one herb from each category is a good disinfectant for anaerobic bacteria and is soothing to epithelial cells. The mixture will also cut down on bleeding and slow the scarring process. It will speed up the healing time and can be used anywhere a salve is needed to coat and protect.
Antimicrobial healing salve: A comfrey based salve, including herbs such as plantain, St. John’s wort, calendula and Echinacea; essential oils such as lavender and rosemary strengthen the effects.

• Soothes
• Accelerates healing
• Disinfects
• Use for any breaks in the skin and for burns
• Do not use initially on puncture wounds, use an antiseptic such as Echinacea tincture instead

Liniment for Aches & Pains: Arnica, witch hazel and St. John’s Wort tinctures in combination with essential oils of camphor, eucalyptus, rosemary and clove bud. Note: some people are sensitive to arnica: STOP using if adverse symptoms result. Do not use arnica on broken skin.

• Stops swelling
• Prevents bruising
• Relieves aches and pains

Liniment for Poison Oak/Ivy/Sumac: Jewelweed (impatiens) specifically neutralizes the Rhus toxin and works well. Use fresh or tinctured, but jewelweed can be hard to find. Other remedies include grindelia, combined with echinacea, calendula and white oak bark.

• Stops swelling
• Prevents bruising
• Relieves aches and pains

Bruise Relief Liniment: (For wounds where the skin is unbroken), Use a combination of tinctures, including Tienchi ginseng, hyssop, myrrh gum, prickly ash bark, cayenne, calendula, comfrey and arnica. Helichrysum italicum essential oil, applied externally also works very well and is non-irritating. Do not use these remedies on the eyes or mucous membranes and wash thoroughly after use.

Fresh Herbs
Garlic:

• Use as antibacterial
  • Too many uses to name ?

Aloe Vera:

• Apply directly to burns. Add 5 drops of Lavender oil for each tablespoon of Aloe Vera
  • Soothes the inflammation of sunburn and common kitchen scalds and burns
  • Cools and heals
• Can be used internally as a purgative, but be careful, too much will cause hemorrhoids

German Chamomile (Matricaria recutita):

• Break up a few heads, squeeze them and put them in a cup of water. Give the mixture to a child with an eyedropper
  • Used as a relaxing tea
  • Provides instant relief for colic pain in newborn babies
• Used as a hair rinse to highlight the blonde strands in fair hair

Calendula Petals:

• Make a soothing emollient by infusing petals in olive oil; leave in a sunny spot for a couple of weeks before using directly on the affected skin.
  • Use for diaper rash, eczema or other skin problems

Calendula Succus: Succus is the Juice from aerial parts of the plant preserved in small amount of alcohol. Can be used externally on either open or closed wounds that are tender, red, swollen and tending toward the formation of pus .

• Use It to clean wounds
• Stops bleeding
• Promotes tissue healing
• Used for inflamed skin conditions like lacerations and burns (including sunburns) and other skin irritations such as diaper rash or eczema.
  • Place the Calendula succus onto the pad of a bandage and place over the wound. Keep the wound covered with a bandage and Calendula until new skin forms. If the wound is very painful add Hypericum tincture for pain relief.
• When used early on in the wound healing process Calendula can also prevent the formation of scar tissue.
• Used to treat bug bites and stings.

Infusions
Ear Oil: Dilute a combination of tea tree, garlic, oregano, & lavender oil in olive oil and
infuse in ¼ cup of dried mullein flower petals.

• Add a few drops directly into the affected ear. Use whenever an ear infection is suspected for pain relief and to reduce complications. Do not use if the ear drum is perforated.
  • Soothes earache and heals infection
  • Use to clean excess earwax out of ears

St. Johns Wort: infuse dried herb in olive oil.

• Rub directly onto skin.
  • Soothes sunburn
  • Use for minor burns

Arnica: infuse dried flowers in olive oil.

• Rub directly onto skin.
  • Soothes and prevents bruising
  • Reduces swelling
  • Relieves pain

Poultices
Grated Potato or Mud:

• Put directly onto the wound. Keep it in place with a gauze wrapping
  • Draws out insect venom and sooth inflammation.

Self-heal (Prunella vulgaris):

• Pulverize leaves in a mortar and pestle. Put this mash directly onto the wound. Keep it in place with a gauze wrapping
  • Used to heal bruises and wounds.

Comfrey (Symphytum officinale):

• Cover the wound with muslin and lay the comfrey on top. (never allow it to come in direct contact with the skin.) You can use the leaf, but there is more healing power in the root.
  • Good for healing ulcers

Compresses
Keep squares of gauze or cheesecloth on hand to make compresses. Use comfrey, witch hazel, or arnica for sprains; St. John’s Wort for deep cuts, and comfrey or witch hazel for burns.

Sprays
Insect Repellent: Use essential oils (lavender, citronella, eucalyptus, cedarwood, lemon grass, and pennyroyal) suspended in a base of water and alcohol. Note: eating sugar and sweets increases your attractiveness to many insects! Caution: Although pennyroyal essential oil is widely used for insect repellants, It can be toxic even in moderate doses and should not be used by pregnant women. It is powerful and can effect people and pets in the vicinity of the user.

• Apply liberally and frequently (as often as every two hours)

Other
Honey:

• Useful as base for ointment due to preservative and antiseptic properties
• Add to hot ginger tea to soothe sore throats

Beeswax:

• good for adding to infused oils and essential oils to make salves and ointments.

Vodka:

• use vodka or 100% grain alcohol for the purpose of making tinctures or as a disinfectant.

Sore Throat Remedy:

Use Sage (Salvia officinalis) and Thyme (Thyme vulgaris or T. serpyllum). Chop them up into a stainless steel saucepan, just cover with water and simmer for 15 minutes. Strain out the herbs and add half as much honey as there is water to sweeten and preserve the mixture. Pour into a dark jar and keep in the fridge for up to two months. Use the syrup as a gargle for a sore throat or coughs and colds.

Hardware

• Capsulator
• Mortar and pestle
• Band Aids
• Bandages
• Ace bandages
• ½ inch surgical tape
• A small pair of scissors
• A single edged razor blade
• Tweezers
• Cold pack (cools on impact)
• 1 and 2 inch Ace bandages
• Moleskin
• An instant read thermometer
• A bar of soap
• A bandana
• An eye cup (or shot glass)
• A flashlight
• Colloidal Silver
• Safety Pins
• Needles
• Paper Cups
• Baking Soda
• Cotton balls
• Q-tips
• First Aid Guide
• Hot Water Bottle
• Matches
• Tongue Depressors
• Ear Scope
• SAM Splint
• Space Blankets
• Salt
• Paper & Pencil
• Gel Capsules
• A birth kit
• A suture kit
• A stethoscope
• A blood pressure kit
• A blood glucose monitor
• An inhaler (in the case of a life threatening asthma attack)
• A spring loaded epipen (in the case of extreme, life threatening allergic reactions)

For camping, backpacking trips, or for the car, pare things down to:

• Arnica gel
• Echinacea tincture
• Peppermint and chamomile tea bags
• Crystallized ginger
• Insect repellent
• A tin of herbal salve
• A bottle of lavender oil
• An assortment of bandages and moleskin.

Dosages for Children: Dosages for children are not provided in most herbals. To determine the correct dose you need to consider the size of the child, the ailment, the power of the herb you intend to use, and the adult dosage. Clark’s Rule for determining dosages divides the weight of the child by 150 to give the approximate fraction of the adult dose. Dosage for a 40 lb. child: 40 /150 = .26 or approx. 1/4 the adult dose.

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Mind you, she did kick and scream during the stitching process, but only after my 12-year-old shouted “What are you doing? Are you sewing up her head?!” After which the first stitch that I was just getting ready to tie off was yanked out because that is when she started the kicking. And the screaming. Good grief! So I had to start all over again.

The most screaming was done by the kids who were not actually being stitched up. My 15-year-old daughter yelled at me and then stomped off to her room and refused to speak to me until the next morning. I think her exact words were “If she needs stitches, why aren’t you taking her to the emergency room?! I’m never touching that needle again! (I used one of her beading needles, because they are really sharp)

Ok, her question may seem logical to most people, but in my defense, a trip to the emergency room would have meant trying to keep all that bleeding at bay in the van on the way to the doctor’s office. Then holding her still and keeping the bleeding at bay while waiting in the waiting room for an hour so that a doctor could then come and put a couple of stitches in her head. I had the tools, I had the know how, and best of all, I did it all in less than 5 minutes right in my own living room. Without the extended drama. I mean we had some drama, but it was really more of a mini matinee and not a 5 act play.

I know that scalps are not like the most sensitive part of the body. I remember in my old punk rock days seeing punks with mohawks bopping around with safety pins in their scalps in the mosh pit. Granted they were probably drunk when they put them there, but considering the fact that Bee didn’t even know her scalp was being pierced until my son shouted it out for the whole world to hear, I don’t think it hurt her much. Maybe next time I’ll use orajel first – I think I still have some left from the good ol’ teething days . . .

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So, I scooped them up, all mashed and broken and left them on the counter to cool. (We fed them to the chickens when I got home — I hope they don’t die . .)

When we got there, we were short on graham crackers for the little gingerbread village the kids were making.  So I went to the store to get more. And as I am waiting for someone to back out some hot guy in a red fire bird swoops in between me and the row of parked cars and steals my parking space!  It wasn’t even a packed parking lot. I mean there were plenty of available spaces, that one just happened to be opening up and was a little closer to the door, so I was like hey! maybe something will go my way this morning! (because it really was super cold outside) BUT NO! So I rolled down my window and yelled “Merry Christmas! I Hope it’s an emergency!” and he looked at me and said “It is!”

Well I didn’t buy that crap for a second! So when I went in the store and saw him there I walked right up to him and looked him in the eye and said “So, what’s the emergency?” He said something lame about getting a money order for his wife and I said, well there were lot’s of other open parking spaces. He looked uncomfortable and I just turned around and walked off. Maybe there was some kind of emergency that required a money order, sure, I can see that, but how much longer would it really have taken to park the next row over? It’s just that I was already quite obviously in position to take that spot. It’s like a plate of cookies sitting there, and I reach out to take one and he snatches it up off of the top of the pile just because he can. What a JERK! I thought of so many good things I could have said later of course — like “Thank you for reminding me what a great husband I have. I hope that money order keeps your wife happy, ’cause you don’t have much else to offer.”

So, I’m really fine with it. Maybe his wife is really horrible. Maybe I should feel sorry for the poor guy . . .

Did I mention that I had also toted along a casserole for the church Christmas dinner? I took it with me so I could bake it at my sister’s house and have it ready to drop off at the church by 4pm.

Again I am trying to round up my kids so I won’t be late dropping off the casserole. Again, I am invisible. I say get in the car, and they are out jumping on a snow covered trampoline 2 seconds later. Is what I am asking really that horrible? Because I am looking at the snow out there and that is not my idea of fun! By the time we are actually on the way, it is 3:45 and we are a good 45 minutes away. I drove fast and made it there only 15 minutes late. And someone had put their hand in the casserole. There was a big dent in one end where the foil had been completely mashed in.

“Who did this?”

“Not me!”

“Not me!”

“Not me!”

Three innocent pairs of eyes are staring at me.

“Come on, it was hot. There is no way you could do this and not notice!”

“Not me!”

“Not me!”

“Not me!”

blink, blink, blink.

So I pull out the guilt trip.

“An honest person would tell their mother if they did something like this.”

“Not me!”

“Not me!”

“Whaaaa ok, it was meeeeee!”

Now it’s my turn to feel bad for yelling. But I don’t. Not really. Ok, maybe a little . . .

I told the lady I handed it to to just stick the serving spoon in there and maybe no one would notice, and then I left. very quickly.

I took the kids home and had them change. We went to the church for dinner — No way I was going to try to cook after all that. And my casserole was already out on the serving table, and there was only one serving left.

I guess it wasn’t such a really bad day . . .

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Mom’s Twelve Days Of Christmas
Lyrics thoughtfully revised by Mindi K. Flowers at B.A. Bookworm

On the first day of Christmas, my children gave to me
A chance to be a referee.

On the second day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.

On the third day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Six temper tantrums
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Seven children’s pageants
Six temper tantrums
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Eight hairs-a-greyin’
Seven children’s pageants
Six temper tantrums
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Nine ornaments crashing
Eight hairs-a-greyin’
Seven children’s pageants
Six temper tantrums
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Ten songs-a-singin’
Nine ornaments crashing
Eight hairs-a-greyin’
Seven children’s pageants
Six temper tantrums
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Eleven presents peeking
Ten songs-a-singin’
Nine ornaments crashing
Eight hairs-a-greyin’
Seven children’s pageants
Six temper tantrums
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my children gave to me
Twelve smiles heartwarming
Eleven presents peeking
Ten songs-a-singin’
Nine ornaments crashing
Eight hairs-a-greyin’
Seven children’s pageants
Six temper tantrums
Five handmade things
Four joyous moments
Three accidents
Two hugs with love
And another chance to be a referee.

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Some other milestones — J just turned 12 on Wednesday! He will be ordained as a deacon tomorrow, which he is really excited about — he really is looking forward to passing the sacrament in church. Also, his teacher in school has recommended that he test for the gifted and talented program this upcoming week so he can take honors classes in Jr. High next year. Jr. High! (help me!) He is really excited and is crossing his fingers to get back into a good chess club again. It’s been nearly two years since he has had a good chess program, and he misses it a lot. I think it will be really good for him. I really do . . .

And Alex is turning 15 in January . . . this is a milestone because, as she has been reminding me since last year, she will be able to learn how to drive. YIKES!! and next year, dating . . . but . . . deep breaths . . . one thing at a time . . . breath, breath, breath . . . OK. I’m OK now . . . I think I am OK now. Can you please hand me that paper bag?

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This was news to me, because last time he told me about his life’s ambitions, he said he wanted to be a fireman. He has actually wanted to be a fireman for a couple of years now. He is 6.

Z’s first childhood ambition was a lot more interesting. After his second Christmas, he went around saying “Ho, Ho, Ho!” in a loud voice, and then he declared that he wanted to be Santa Claus when he grew up. He was 22 months old. I assured him through suppressed laughter that he could be that and many other things. He continued with the Ho, Ho, Ho-ing for several months — It was a real holler.

Then at the age of 3, he saw the movie Fat Albert, and he decided that was what he wanted to be when he grew up (“Hey, Hey, Hey!”). At 4 he saw his first fire engine, and was duly impressed. Other than a Jedi Knight, that has been his one ambition that he keeps going back to.

But an author is a new one for him. I didn’t even know he knew that word, although it shouldn’t surprise me, since I write, and have taken the kids to a few book signings to meet authors that they have enjoyed, so maybe his wanting to be an author and write stories wasn’t such a stretch after all.

I looked at him and raised my eyebrows. “Oh?”

“I want to be an author. I want to write books,” he declared.

“What kind of books do you want to write?” I asked.

“Church books. I’m going to be the holiest man on earth.”

At this point I am sorry to say that I was unable to help myself, and I nearly choked on the mouthful of the apple I was munching on. Z is the one kid that I have had to drag out the door kicking and screaming “I don’t want to go! Church is so boring!”

“But you can’t stay home by yourself, it’s too dangerous, and there won’t be anyone to take care of you. It will be just as boring here,” I always tell him, shivering at the thought of coming home to a burning house or some other equally frightening scenario.

“The holiest man on earth?” I ask, struggling to keep my voice even.

“Why? Who is the holiest man on earth?” (He is totally serious.)

“Probably the Prophet,” I tell him.

“Well, then I’ll be the second holiest man on earth, ’cause I am really trying to be like Jesus.”

At this point I wondered if, at the age of 6, Moses’s or Elijah’s Mothers ever thought that their sons would take their turn as the holiest men on earth. Or Alma the younger, or Saul of Tarsus — what would their mothers have said?

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We have a whole tree of delicious, although somewhat bug infested apples. Most of them are good, but pray before you take a bite . . . or just cut them up first.

Today, between conference sessions, we went out and picked up the windfall apples, and we also picked about three bushels to make applesauce. Nothing like a good day of hard work to bring the family together!

Making Applesauce

Applesauce is easy to make, and if your kids are anything like mine, they suck it down like locusts in a cornfield! (ok, that may be an exaggeration, but it seems like it sometimes!) So, it was a real blessing to have the apples come on so well this year. It is like getting a free bonus and I don’t even have to go to the grocery store!

If you have never made applesauce, you should give it a try sometime. All you have to do is get a bunch of nice sweet apples — not the tart type like granny smith apples, but sweet ones like a gala or a golden delicious. Then you peel, core, and chop the apples, throw them in a pot, rinse them, and then cover them with water and cook them until they are soft enough to mash with the fork, but don’t over cook! If they look like applesauce before you run them through the food processor, then you have cooked them too long. Once they are cooked, drain out the water and blend them in the blender or with a food processor until they are applesauce. If you use a good sweet apple, you don’t need to add any sweetener.

Once you have the applesauce, if you made a really big batch, you just fill your bottles, put on the lids, and heat for about 15 to 20 minutes in a hot water bath. Then take them out and let them cool so you can put them in your pantry where the kids will then find them and slurp them down before you can say “HEY!”

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